Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
