Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
