So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
