I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
