So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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