Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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