K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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