You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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