Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
