He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
