Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
