oh god the rape fog is back!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
