I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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