If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
im holly from the hills drunk
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
