So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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