he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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