remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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