But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
