I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
