He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
