You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
