How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
