Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
