Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
