Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
