Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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