i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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