so that wasnt chicken after all
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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