I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
