Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
