trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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