His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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