we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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