forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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