guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
worst night to have a conscience
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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