She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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