you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
