Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
