I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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