If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Houston, we have a blender
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
