meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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