college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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