she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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