This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
