I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So much Jack, so little girl.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
