I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize