After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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