the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
