im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
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I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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