my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
