she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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