Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
