How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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