I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
