You made me cry and you don't even care
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Congratulations! We have a period
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
