I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
