i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Less talking, more tequila
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
