I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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