google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
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That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
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I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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