We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
