Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
