Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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