he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
