just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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