you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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