youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
