youre lurking in front of me
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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