I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
