Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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