Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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