I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
