We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
