I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
