So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
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it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
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I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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