Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
