So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
